The International Foundation for the Preservation of Lemming
Life does not just provide counseling. We want you to know what
to do if you happen across a drowning lemming, one we have not
yet been able to reach with our message of life. You will need
to know how to rescue this lemming, then resuscitate it. Read
on! This information could save a lemming's life.
First off, you will need to pull the drowning lemming out of the
water. Many rescuers would advise using a special hold, so the
lemming cannot pull you under while you are attempting to rescue
it. We do not feel this is necessary, however, since the lemming
will obviously be quite a bit smaller than you (unless you are,
in fact, five inches long, including your tail). Simply grasp it
firmly with one hand (you'll need the other to swim with), being
careful not to squeeze too hard.
Once you have returned the poor lemming to the shore, you will
want to perform CPR. Of course, on such a small creature it is
difficult to perform traditional CPR. Never fear! We have
discovered a method that can be easily adapted for use on
lemmings. Simply refer to the adjacent illustration, which shows
the procedure being performed on a cat. To remove from its lungs
any water the lemming swallowed, hold it by its back legs and
swing it quickly. Then you can perform mouth to mouth
resusitation by sealing your mouth over its nose and mouth (we
advise carrying a CPR mask, which can be used to avoid catching
diseases from the lemming, with you at all times).
There is another possibility that must be considered. When the
lemming fell/jumped into the water, it may have injured its front
or back legs. These will, of course, need to be bandaged. Then
you will need a method to prevent the lemming from worrying the
bandages and further injuring itself. We once again have a
solution. Through the use of a collar, such as the one shown to
the right, you can allow the lemming freedom to move its mouth
and to eat, while still preventing its gnawing at its injured
legs. Simply fashion the collar out of cardboard or posterboard
and secure it to a collar around the lemming's neck.